Are you dating without a job description?

Audrey Claire, My Wingwoman Founder & Coach
Jul 21, 2018

Can you imagine hiring a new employee without knowing their job description? Picture yourself sitting there, interviewing candidates without knowing the basics of the job you’re hiring for. Now imagine the position you’re looking to fill is your life-long romantic partner. It seems ridiculous not to know what qualifies them for this job, doesn’t it?

Too often we’re guilty of moving from relationship-to-relationship without really screening the candidates. Dating without a ‘job description’ or ‘JD’ can result in you accidentally ‘hiring’ someone who isn’t qualified. And once hired, you’ll have to start paying them a salary in the form of your time, energy, affection, loyalty, love and much more. This can result in years of wasted time and a lot of heart-ache.

Why do I really need a job description?

Knowing what would qualify someone for your love will make you more focused, confident and decisive. Having a short list of criteria for what you MUST have in a partner is both crucial and a real dating advantage.

A strong JD for the position you’re looking to fill helps you to spot things in someone (for good or bad) early and move on to the next candidate when necessary without feeling too conflicted. Disappointed – yes, conflicted – no. When we’ve taken the time to write a good JD we have a complete clarity on what we’re willing to let slide and what we simply can’t live without.

How to write a killer job description

A good JD is going to take a bit of self-reflection, time and a couple of glasses of wine to get right. It’s not something you can whip together in 5 minutes. You’ll be surprised what you discover if you give this a bit of thought.

Firstly, take stock of the things anyone must have (or not have) to be compatible with you. A good job description isn’t superficial and is made up of traits, tendencies and togetherness musts.

Traits could be things like “makes me laugh” or “intelligence”.
Tendencies are things that are about lifestyle / behaviour. Think about putting the words “tends to…” before whatever comes after them. For example, “tends to stay fit and healthy” or “put others first”.
Togetherness musts are the values you must share. Think about finishing this sentence: “together we value…”. For example, “together we value family”, or “together we value money and success”.

So, once you have your list… here comes the hardest part. You need to refine it down to no more than five things. You must prioritise. If your job description is too long there simply won’t be enough candidates and you also run the risk of disqualifying candidates too early as you become overly judgemental.

To ruthlessly prioritise, it helps to consider whether you would really walk away from a relationship with someone who didn’t have each qualification. Try imagining yourself with someone amazing who didn’t possess that one thing. Would it still work? If the answer is yes, cross that requirement off your list.

So, grab a glass of wine, put your feet up and write that job description.

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