Are your dates dull? Avoid this dating #fail.

Audrey Claire, My Wingwoman Founder & Coach
Dec 10, 2019

When you think about your last few dates (even if it’s been a while), what words best describe them? If the words boring, mind-numbing or monotonous come to mind, it might just have something to do with this factor…

There’s a lot of stuff about dating we can’t control.

One thing we CAN control is what we actually choose to do for our date.

With just a little bit of thought, the choice of date can take the whole experience from *yawn* to *sparks flying*. It’s the music, lighting and set-design for the movie called “your date”.

Choosing dates that spark positive emotion has the power to shape your whole attitude towards dating.

And guess what? Making your dates more fun can help you find someone worthwhile faster, and you know why?

Making dating fun supports dating resilience.

If you turn dating into something enjoyable, you’re bound to do it MORE. Doing it more means more dates. And more dates = more opportunity to show up as you in front of someone that might just be your LAST first date.

I mean, who said dating has to be so dull anyway?  

To make dating more fun for you AND your date, here’s a few pro tips:

Pick something YOU actually want to do.

Don’t feel pressure to be someone you’re not or to do anything that doesn’t suit the mood you’re in. Set yourself up for success.

If you’re sick of cocktail dates, don’t have another one!

Mix things up, try something new, take charge of the mood you want to create. There is no rule in the dating book that says your first date must look a certain way.

Mutual interest helps.

You’re both active and outdoorsy? Do something active and outdoorsy!

You both love live music? Head somewhere with live music!

EVEN if you’ve only just met your date in an online dating app and you have NO idea what they’re like IRL, there’s no excuse for not asking some questions that give you some idea of what you both have in common and how this might apply to your first date.

Even if all you’ve got to go by is a mutual love of Margaritas, you can work with that information!

Don’t be afraid to suggest specifics.

Sometimes we let fear of rejection or judgement hold us back from suggesting something specific we’d actually enjoy doing. This can lead to asking someone out in a vague, uninspiring way that still leaves A LOT of detail to be worked out over text ping-pong. On top of this, the resulting date is probably going to be a watered down version of something you both kinda, maybe, find interesting-ish.  

So, let me ask you this: which of these two questions sounds like it’s coming from someone confident and fun to be around?

  1. Hey, want to grab a drink sometime?
  2. Hey, I’ve been meaning to check out this place in Fitzroy that’s meant to be awesome – it’s a cocktail bar full of board games would you like to meet me there for a drink this weekend?  

Don’t be afraid to suggest an activity besides eating/drinking.

In a recent Instagram poll of mine, 90% agreed it would be attractive if someone suggested a less traditional, more ‘active’ date.

Activities that promote play and interaction can be an awesome backdrop to any date. Fun activities operate like a welcome ‘third wheel’ on your date.

There’s you, there’s your date and there’s the THING you did on the date.  

Something as simple as playing a round of mini-golf, bowling or even going to a gallery exhibition, market or festival can help break the ice and promote natural flirtation. Even if your first date was a little more traditional, don’t let this stop you from suggesting something that mixes it up on date two, three or four.

Remember, people bond over shared experiences and better yet, NEW experiences.

Underinvestment leads to under-whelming dates

It’s tempting and COMMON to underinvest in a first date.

Meeting for a quick coffee might seem like a great way to avoid getting stuck with a dud for hours, but it’s also the FASTEST way to add a major barrier to connection. It promotes an air of detachment.  

Your intention sets the tone for good vibes or bad.

Be the exception.

Be the person who stands out.

Be confident enough to take a little risk and suggest something different.

And ask yourself; do you I want to be a ‘lean forward’ or a ‘lean back’ kind of date?

A ‘lean forward’ date is engaging, warm, generous and invested enough to support the seeds of connection.

A ‘lean back’ date is disengaged, guarded, selfish and uninvested.

Make the BEFORE and AFTER date rituals rewarding for YOU.

Take a page out of Carrie’s book and turn the pre-date experience into a fabulous make-over opportunity. Put on that sparkly top, new shirt or fragrance and hit the town feeling amazing. This goes for ladies AND gents.

Remind yourself you’re doing this part for you, not for your date. Turn this into a self-love ritual.

Overtime you’ll start to associate a date with ‘me time’.

Post-date you can have a dating de-brief with a friend. You can laugh about the duds, vent about the disappointments and celebrate the wins.

If it’s hard to find a friend who’s available for a regular chat, why not start a dating diary. Having a creative outlet to ‘vent’ your dating life into can help you to channel all that energy into something more positive. Think about Carrie’s column in Sex and the City. It’s reflective, fun, light-hearted and tries to look on the bright side even in the face of epic disappointment.

Finding someone with relationship material takes time. If you can’t find joy on the road to love, the chances are you’ll lack stamina and pull out of the race all-together.

Think of it this way, if we make our jobs all about that next deadline but fail to enjoy the day-to-day, how resilient are we likely to be? How fun are we likely to be around at work?

There will be a lot of wrongs on the journey to right. You may as well enjoy the journey.

© My Wingwoman 2019

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