Can you relate to flashy texter syndrome?

Audrey Claire, My Wingwoman Founder & Coach
Aug 13, 2020

Has this happened to you?…

You match with a guy on an app, and pretty much right from HELLO you’re feeling the sparks. He’s SUPER witty. His replies are prompt. He’s engaged, interested and INTERESTING.

Fast forward to a week later and neither of you has initiated a virtual date.

And this whole time you’ve barely glanced at any other profiles.

After all, you’ve had your hands full. All that witty virtual ping-pong has preoccupied you and you’re feeling ALL the feels.

Finally you decide to ask him on a virtual date.

He says yes and you lock in a time for a video chat.

WOO! *Happy dance*

Finally the time comes for your video chat.

And then…

*Sad face*…

You’re on the video chat with him, 10, 20, 45 minutes go by and you realise this guy is NOTHING like you’d imagined.

He’s nice, but there’s no connection. You don’t even have that much in common.

You end the call feeling pretty shattered. It’s just hit you how invested you’d been up till now.

You’re so deflated by this, it takes a few weeks to feel motivated to use the apps again.

So why am I telling you this?


  1. Flashy texting does not always equal real connection
    Try not to OVERVALUE someone’s text game. It’s not a red flag for someone to bring their A-game to text chats, but it’s not the ultimate green flag either.
  2. This text convo went on for way too long
    In this example, the chat could have upgraded to a more reliable medium WAY earlier. Text is a narrow medium that leaves a lot to the imagination. We tend to fill in a lot of blanks in our minds. The longer the chat goes on, the more blanks you’ve filled in your mind. Suggesting the virtual date sooner could have avoided this.
  3. Pace your investment to how well you really know someone
    If your entire vault of info was gathered over text, take it with a grain of salt. That’s not to say you have to distrust it. It’s about acknowledging to yourself that while you do feel a connection so far, you’ll keep an open mind.
  4. Avoid tunnel vision
    In this example, the Flashy Texter became the SOLE focus for well over a week. No one else had a chance because no one else was GIVEN a chance. This is a common form of over-investment.
  5. ‘Meat and three veg’ texters may still have potential
    These are the ones that seem engaged, share some things in common with you, but don’t shine so brightly over text. You may have a tendency to overlook these ones in favour of their flashy counterparts. You find their text game lacks a certain somethin’ somethin’. But.. sometimes these SAME people shine brightly in other ways given the chance.

So the next time you’re on the recieving end of some GRADE A flashy text banter, keep these things in mind 😉


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