I don’t have dreams, I have goals. – Harvey Specter
What a man, what a line.
If you’re not familiar with Harvey, he’s an incredibly charismatic main character in the TV series ‘Suits.’ He may be a fictional character, but this quote sums up some real-world wisdom about what it takes to achieve our dreams.
So, have you set any love goals yet, or are they just dreams?
To have a dream is nice, but having goals means you’re serious and intentional about making that dream come true.
If finding love has alluded you so far, consider whether it might be time to start setting some goals.
So how do I set goals for my love life?
Step 1: Turn your dream into a realistic 3-year vision
The 3-year vision might be to be married and to have started a family. It might be to have met someone you’re madly in love with. Capture your vision in a paragraph or so.
Step 2: Brainstorm what will help you achieve your vision
It doesn’t matter what it is, there are always things within our power we can do to chase down our vision for the future. And yes, that’s right, even if your vision is to find a boyfriend!
Really think hard. Could a new skill help? Could you work on your confidence or resilience? Who could help you? Are there habits or rituals that need to change?
To begin with, just brainstorm without crossing things out. Keep your mind open to everything that pops up and simply capture these in a list.
Step 3: Refine your list to 2-3 enabling goals
From your brainstormed list, narrow it down to no more than 3 goals to focus on for now. You might notice a few items on your list actually relate to the same theme. That’s a good sign – it means there’s something significant there to focus on that could be summarised.
Make sure your enabling goals don’t overlap. Write each goal down following the “SMART” goal setting principle which is to ensure it is specific, measurable, actionable, realistic and timed.
Here’s an example:
“To stop making excuses and prioritise my love life over the next three months by going on at least one date a fortnight (whether this is with the same person or different people).”
Step 4: For EACH goal, come up with a list of 3 or 4 actions you’ll take towards achieving it this month
With each action, make sure it’s a specific task with a deadline.
So using the goal example above, your list of actions might be:
1. Start-up 3 conversations on Bumble this week
2. Research 3 new bars/restaurants I’d like to go to (as great first date locations)
3. Sign up to a speed-dating event for next week
4. Buy a new dress I feel confident and feminine in
Step 5: Set yourself a diary reminder weekly to review your goals and action plan.
Each week ask yourself questions like: Do things need to be adjusted? How am I tracking? What is helping and hindering me in sticking to the plan?
Things do change, and yes, sometimes plans can get disrupted for reasons beyond your immediate control. The important thing is that you’re doing so intentionally and not letting time slip away without consciously assessing where your priorities are and whether they need adjustment.
Step 6: Keep your plan somewhere you can refer to it regularly
I keep my goals in a document I can access on my phone and I probably look at it every two or three days. Since getting into this habit I have been WAY more motivated, way more focused and far more successful in achieving what I set out to do.
It’s only when we’ve turned our dreams into tangible goals that we really take charge of our future.
© My Wingwoman 2019
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