Meet Chemistry: your best friend… or your worst enemy?

Audrey Claire, My Wingwoman Founder & Coach
Jul 21, 2018

Chemistry is that sought-after, yummy feeling of attraction we know is rare. As wonderful as it is, chemistry is both our BEST friend and our WORST enemy.

When we’re dating, we often talk about the need to feel that ‘spark’ with someone. Chemistry seems like a great thing we should be searching for because of how it makes us feel. It can give us the sense of belonging, confidence, adoration and maybe even elation when we’re around someone we have chemistry with.

But there is a darker side to chemistry we may not know about; the part that leads us up the wrong path.

When we put too much value on chemistry we start to demand it from every new romantic relationship. We feel there should be an ‘instant spark’ because we’ve felt that in the past. We start to believe that we need to feel chemistry right from the beginning in order for there to be a future with someone.

The surprising truth is; often a real spark with someone who’s really right for us can take TIME. When we’re feeling that ‘spark’ early, it is often because of things that will go away in time. That spark you feel because of the shared sense of humour you have means nothing if the other person has conflicting values to yours. That spark because of the mutual physical attraction means nothing if they don’t want kids and you do.

Chemistry can become a bit of a cloud that forms over our better judgement. We can suddenly forgive, or worse – ignore things that don’t sit right because we feel that spark. Suddenly it doesn’t matter that he’s not interested in having children because we feel such a strong connection and surely, he’ll want them one day, right?

The trick to avoiding chemistry becoming your worst enemy and keeping it as that delicious best friend is to:

1. Remember that chemistry, contrary to popular belief, can take a while to develop. It doesn’t always happen instantly. Those scenes in the movies are not representative of how most strong couples meet. If you’re dating a man who has a lot of the things you’re looking for, but you don’t feel an instant spark – give it time. Give it at LEAST four dates before deciding if there’s a future or not. You’ll be surprised how quickly things change on date three or four.

2. If you’re feeling chemistry with someone you only just met, then take it SLOW. Keep checking in on whether this person you feel that spark with actually possesses all your basic criteria. Try not to get swept up in the spark and overinvest early before you’ve really gotten to know him.

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