This one thing is core to dating success
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been absolutely fascinated by this one thing…
I was one of those really precocious kids who’d eavesdrop on adult conversations.
I’d always paid close attention to their body language and all the new words I’d hear (luckily my parents WEREN’T big on swearing, otherwise I would’ve been one potty-mouth 6 year old!)
Looking back, I realise that my early childhood is when my fascination with the subtleties of communication began.
Fast forward *cough* a few years to my life today as a dating coach and I’m passionate about effective communication as the one big, hairy topic that binds everything together.
Effective communication is a POWERFUL tool that supports better, more satisfying connection with others. This one thing can really transform your dating life and I believe it to be core to dating success.
In contrast, ineffective communication can leave us feeling misunderstood, confused, frustrated and sometimes powerless.
What does effective communication even mean?
Effective communication is about having the desired impact in our interactions with others.
Do you remember playing Chinese whispers as a kid? I always think how easily and quickly the message got muddled up! That simple game is actually a pretty powerful lesson that teaches how hard communication can be to get right.
In a way, dating can be thought of as just one giant game of Chinese whispers except it’s a longer game, the messages matter more to us and are even harder to get right. Plus, the goal isn’t just to be understood, rather to truly bond with someone.
We take effective communication for granted when we get it right, but done well, when you break it down it’s the result of the skilful combination of: word choice, vocal qualities, posture, gestures, timing, choice of medium AND SO MUCH MORE.
Why it matters
It’s impossible to separate effective communication from the quality of our connections.
In the acclaimed book ‘Skilled Interpersonal Communication’, author and researcher Owen Hargie reinforces the importance of effective communication to form lasting, meaningful connections and states that “interpersonal skills are at the very epicentre of our social existence” (1)
While we can’t control every situation or exactly how others respond to us, we CAN control how we communicate and take ownership of the quality of each communication.
In our day-to-day dating and relationships, effective communication is the key to:
- Sparking rapport
- Building connection
- Both being, and feeling understood
- Asserting and maintaining our standards
- Putting people at ease in our company
- Making a great first impression
- Attracting others towards you
- Teaching others how we like to be treated
- Sizing people up…
And SO MUCH more.
It’s easy to see how skill in the sum of these things can add up pretty fast to more dating satisfaction and success.
And yep, it’s easier said than done.
There’s no program we can download to our brain that instantly transforms us into master communicators oozing charisma. We can make it our personal mission to continuously improve our communication skills in different contexts.
It might take some hard work, patience, dedication, humility and lots of trial and error, but the rewards are worth it.
Improving how we communicate has the power to save us time, improve our confidence, attract more opportunities and enrich our relationships.
So, if effective communication is so important in dating and life in general, what can we focus on to improve?
(1) Hargie, Owen. Skilled Interpersonal Communication : Research, Theory and Practice, Routledge, 2016, 6th Edition.
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